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The E R Place Counseling Blog

5 Reasons Couples Argue

by EnRichment Place Clinicians on 03/19/19

There are many reasons that couples have difficulties.  Navigating an intimate relationship can be a minefield of past issues that have nothing to do with the present relationship.  However, there are some arguments that are common themes.

Many times at least one or both partners have the desire to prove the other partner wrong or to be the one who is "right".  Its important to ask yourself, "do I want to be right or be in a healthy relationship?"

Knowingly or unknowingly, one partner will touch on the other's trigger issue.  Let's say one partner has an issue with dishes left in the sink, the other partner may leave dishes in the sink, either on purpose or not knowing this is a trigger.  Either way, hurtful words are said and now the couple is arguing.  Learn your partner's triggers.

Knowing how and when to communicate is extremely important.  A poorly worded phrase or no communication at all, can destroy an otherwise healthy dynamic.  Learn healthy communication skills.

It is important to communicate your needs but it is also important to know that some needs you will have to meet yourself.  If you don't feel attractive, that is not a need someone else can fulfill.  More quality time... this could be a need someone could work towards.  

As odd as it may seem, some individuals enjoy a good fight.  They may have their own underlying issues that just lead them to be drawn to hostile interactions.  These individuals may even believe that it isn't them, it is everyone else.  Either way, they find themselves in a number of arguments with a number of people, not just their partners.

Whatever the reasons couples may argue, please know that arguing in and of itself does not have to be a deal breaker.  There is help for improving communication and reducing conflict.  The EnRichment Place provides counseling and couples workshops to assist with these issues.  Give us a call today.


by EnRichment Place Clinicians on 01/17/19

Being "right" often seems more important at the time of a disagreement than it is in hindsight.  Many couples come in for counseling to reduce the stress on their relationship due to arguments.  However, when asked what the disagreement is about, they usually can't remember or they agree that it was not an issue of importance.  The real problem is that both parties have a strong desire to get their point across and to be "right".  But, let's ask a few questions.  Is it "right" to reduce the value of your communication with your partner because of frequent and, sometimes, unneeded arguments?  Is it "right" to bring emotional distress into your relationship over a desire to prevail?  In this type of situation is anyone really "right"?  Let's take some time to reflect on how important the subject matter may be to us before we allow ourselves to become passionately engaged in defending our perspective.  Which is more important?  The argument or the relationship?


by EnRichment Place Clinicians on 02/12/18

For those who are coping with anxiety, day to day life is full of hazard signs.  Every instance that increases your stress and anxiety may be leading you towards an anxiety attack or major meltdown.  It is important to create an environment that leads to positive energy.  Think about the places where you spend the most time and set up space around you in those places for positive energy.  Do this with sound, sight, and aroma.  If you like quiet music playing in the background or have a poster of your favorite quote over your desk at work.  Maybe you enjoy plants and set up a plant stand in the corner of your living room.  If you enjoy the scent of lavender or chamomile, then use aroma therapy.

Turn your bathroom into a spa-like atmosphere with all of the above.  Or create an oasis in your office or back porch.  Find a place that is just for you to unwind, kick back and relax.


by EnRichment Place Clinicians on 11/16/17

The holiday season can certainly be a stressful time of year.  Between navigating the shopping, cooking, baking, financial stress and attempting to continue the everyday business of life, it can all become too much.  And, if you're like me, the late fall and winter seasons can be difficult due to seasonal depression.  It all seems to be too much during this time of year and the colder weather coupled with early nightfall can put a damper on just enjoying everyday life.  There are answers to these difficulties.  First, be sure to treat yourself.  Don't spend so much money and time on others that you leave little for yourself.  Second, take time to pursue a higher purpose.  This could be time to engage in spiritual activities or just to volunteer for a charitable cause.  After all, isn't this really what the season is about.  Finally, let go of any preconceived notions or what you should be doing.  Don't let others put stressful requirements on you.  This is your holiday too and so why should you spend it in a state of anxiety.  Don't forget to be grateful everyday, this will help keep those winter blues away.  Happy Holidays!


by EnRichment Place Clinicians on 10/04/17

When relationships aren't going well, we often are much too focused on what the other person did or said that upset us.  The truth is that this is an opportunity to not only learn about the other person in the relationship but to learn about ourselves.  For instance, if the other person's behavior was heinous in some way, we may want to spend a little time reflecting on our emotional mindset to be certain we aren't projecting the type of emotional energy that would bring this individual into our lives.  

Another example could be how we react to family and friends.  Are we taking things they say or do too personally?  Are we applying emotion to someone else's behavior?  If my family member is upset but I'm certain I'm not at fault, why would I be angry also?  I'm not going to mirror my family member's anger.  Putting a mirror up to ourselves will confirm us or grow us as we navigate the emotional waters of relationships.  

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